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AI Took My Job, My Girlfriend, and My Life Savings And All I Got Was This Stupid Meme Coin

SAN FRANCISCO — Advanced automated intelligent large language models are depleting the funds of local resident Less Sentsinsky. Officials reported...

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Tesla to Pay Employees in Universal Intersubjective Work Tokens

AUSTIN — Starting in Q3 of this year, Tesla will no longer pay employees in US Dollars and instead pay them in $TSLA, a brand new universal...

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Total Solar Eclipse Still Has Nothing on Luna Eclipse

DALLAS — On April 8th the moon passed in front of the entirety of the sun for the first time since 2017. This rare phenomenon isn’t set to occur again...

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PREMIUM — Bitcoin Halving Will Take Half Your Money, Experts Say

POUGHKEEPSIE – Researchers at a small college in upstate New York have uncovered an alarming truth about the upcoming Bitcoin Halving. While many...

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Wall Street Shilling Dirty Drug Dealer Money

In a quarterly announcement of the financial advisory meeting that took place in New York on Friday, BlackRock's Head of Digital Assets called bitcoin...

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Bitcoin Hits ATH, Utopia Achieved

In an unprecedented turn of events, the cryptocurrency market has become the savior humanity never knew it needed. Bitcoin, the poster chi...

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Sam Bankman-Fried: From Finance to Felon to Fashionista

Sam Bankman-Fried, former billionaire and founder of FTX, now disgraced convict, is taking that frown and turning it upside down, once again...

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Smart Money Already Rotating Into Xmas Shitcoins

LONDON — This November, a new buzz has emerged as astute investors are diverting their attention to an unexpected sector: Christmas shitcoins.

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Musk Explains Zero Knowledge Proof Means Requiring No Facts

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Cardano Announces Plan to Join ETH Merge | The Rug's Mostly Credible Newsletter #1

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PREMIUM — Elon Musk Buys 6.9% Stake in The Rug

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PREMIUM — Jack Dorsey on Web 5: “Never Mind”

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Brian Armstrong Announces That Coinbase Will Drink the Blood of Its Enemies

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Trump Coin Faces Jail Time for Yield Generating Price Fixing

WASHINGTON D.C. — The whole nation stands in awe as Trump Coin prepares to stand trial for price fixing yield-generating protocols on...

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PREMIUM — Scrooge McDuck Denounces Bitcoin

Scrooge McDuck, the iconic miser and cold-hearted businessfowl, made headlines last Thursday by publicly denouncing Bitcoin as nothing more than...

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HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu Wins Democratic Primary

CHIGACO — In a surprising turn of events, HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (aka BITCOIN) will be the Democratic nominee for president in 2024, and will run...

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