CHIGACO — In a surprising turn of events, HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu (aka BITCOIN) will be the Democratic nominee for president in 2024, and will run against the likely Republican nominee Doland Tremp, despite HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu not being included on the ballot.

The primary field was highly contested, with respected contenders like Elizabeth Whoren and Sanders WifHat. But all major polls indicated a significant lead for incumbent Jeo Boden. It seemed that Boden had support from the Democratic elite, which is why it was so surprising to see a grassroots write-in name win the primary from under Boden’s feet.

According to exit interviews, HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu was a choice that people could believe in and rally behind; a name that represents both leadership and experience as well as hope for change.

HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu held a press conference minutes after his victory was announced. “The people have spoken. I am humbled by your support. We’re taking our great country to the moon!”

Some Republicans, most notably Doland Tremp, have made accusations that HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu did not have a fair launch and therefore is ineligible to be president of the United States. HarryPotterObamaSonic10Inu’s campaign has categorically denied these allegations as baseless rumors.

Memecoins are up 420% on the news.

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