SAN FRANCISCO — There was a bit of drama at a recent Coinbase shareholder meeting after Brian Armstrong, apropos of nothing, leapt onto the table and screamed, "COINBASE WILL DRINK THE BLOOD OF ITS ENEMIES!"

This comes after a series of perceived victories for Coinbase and a month-long rally of $COIN to $147 per share. It is unclear whether "enemies" referred to their largest competitor, Binance (which has recently been hit with over $4B in fines), or to their ongoing battles with the SEC.

Armstrong, who is usually known for his level-headedness and composure, screamed at the top of his lungs, "THEY WILL TREMBLE AND BEG US FOR MERCY, BUT NO MERCY WILL COME. WE WILL USE OUR BASE CHAIN TO STRANGLE THE LIFE FROM THEIR PATHETIC BODIES!" The people present at the meeting stared in stunned silence while Armstrong continued ranting in this fashion, pacing up and down the conference room table, his bald head like a shiny red tomato, bulging with veins, and spittle flying everywhere.

For years, Armstrong and Coinbase have faced numerous challenges from regulators and fickle markets. Was this outburst simply the result of an accumulation of stress over the years? Or does this mark the beginning of a new era for the crypto company?

After ten minutes of Armstrong ranting atop the conference table, members of the board began to get swept up in the moment. One by one, they stood and joined in a low, unified chant: "COIN, COIN, COIN..." The chanting grew louder and louder, while Armstrong danced in the center of it. He then took a pen from his jacket pocket, stabbed his own left hand, and smeared the blood all over himself, laughing.

BTC is down 2% on the news, while $COIN is up 5%.

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