BUENOS AIRES — Venerable investigator Scooby-Doo and his lesser-known apprentice, Tucker Carlson, announced Friday the results of their investigation into the origin of dogecoin. Carlson’s fledgling show on the obscure social media platform ‘X’ revealed that the memecoin was started by martial arts phenomenon Chuck Norris.

Carlson and Doo originally teamed up in 2020 to find out who was really behind coronavirus. Their biological sleuthing led them straight to the offices of the National Institutes of Health and the man posing as Dr. Anthony Fauci. Pulling up on the NIH lawn in the Mystery Machine, the fearless duo raced inside and into Fauci’s office. They jumped behind a desk to grab a fleeing man, pulling off his cleverly-designed skin mask to reveal musician and pathogen-enthusiast Bob Dylan.

Dylan’s “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” took on a whole new meaning that day. Meanwhile, the heroism and bravery of the Carlson-Doo pair became world-renowned. Mostly for Scooby Doo though as writers and journalists continued to forget who the other guy who drove the car was.

After reading a profile on dogecoin founder Jackson Palmer, something didn’t sit right with Doo, who exclaimed, “Ruh-roh Rucker, Ralmer rooks runny!” Carlson agreed that Palmer looked a bit suspicious. So they hopped on a plane to find Palmer in his last known location, Buenos Aires.

Upon tracking down Palmer in a beachfront palace, the team posed as waiters, wearing top hats, sunglasses, and fake moustaches to gain entry. The security team let them in without a second thought. After pulling off Norris’ ill-fitting skin mask, he said “I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” Carlson is 54 years old but is often mistaken for a child when he speaks.

Norris had set up the classic rug pull in 2013 to fund sleeper hit “Karate Bonanza,” a kung-fu western set in Siberia. After turning Norris into the authorities, Carlson and Doo celebrated their success with a plate of Scooby Snacks, which Carlson immediately suspected had been poisoned by the deep state.

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