FEDERAL PRISON — Sam Bankman-Fried, former billionaire and founder of FTX, now disgraced convict, is taking that frown and turning it upside down, once again defying not only convention but logic with his latest venture: Conscious Couture, a federal correction-inspired fashion line targeting altruistic sensibilities.

Leveraging his resources and connections, he has collaborated with designers from around the block to create a line of clothing that not only exudes style but also carries a message of empowerment and social awareness. Bankman-Fried's initiative aims to bring dignity and hope to those often overlooked by mainstream society, such as silver-spoon white males with bad memories and moppy hair.

With this groundbreaking project, Bankman-Fried seeks to address the systemic issues of mass incarceration and the lack of opportunities for rehabilitation. By involving his fellow inmates in the design and production process and showcasing their creativity, Conscious Couture serves as a platform for these individuals to express themselves and reclaim their identity beyond their circumstances.

The 2024 spring collection titled “Yardbird”, as shown above, features clean lines and simple silhouettes defining a modern, mature look for SBF and crew’s freshman effort and will be available pending enough palms getting greased.

Bankman-Fried was unavailable for comment, but sources report that he really hopes his mom likes it, though The Rug is not entirely sure what “it” refers to or that he was talking about his actual mom.

Ninety-five percent of the proceeds go towards a shot caller known only as “Hands” while the other 5% towards somehow getting Bankman-Fried out of the slammer and/or starting a new company involving AI, orgies, a used Toyota Corolla, and shoddy bookkeeping.

A true act of selflessness indeed.

Textile stocks are flat on the news.

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