MANHATTAN — In a quarterly announcement of the financial advisory meeting that took place in New York on Friday, BlackRock's Head of Digital Assets Allin Todamun called bitcoin, “The best profit margin since crack cocaine.”

New York's top hedge fund managers, Bank CEO’s, and degenerate anonymous ERC-20 token progenitors were all in attendance. The Ritalin-addled audience hooped and hollered much like a scene out of The Wolf of Wall Street.

A journalist for The Times raised a probing question during the Q&A session that followed, “While it seems that Bitcoin may be the best performing asset of all time, how can it outperform crack cocaine. You can’t smoke bitcoin.”

Todamun retorted, “Yet.”

Not too far from the event leading political adversaries who have been sparring over party-defining issues seem to have got wise to the idea that Bitcoin could produce single-issue voters. President Donald J. Trump did an about-face on the subject and spoke of it in an interview with CNBC, “It’s the greatest ever, simply the greatest. Nothing is as great. Not even drugs.”

Typically vehemently opposed to Bitcoin Senator Elizabeth Warren also joined the fray. She referenced her “indigenous heritage” and stated that all Bitcoin really belongs to her people, but was stolen away by “digital imperialism”. There are at least two social justice warriors incorporating this mentality into their graduate theses at The University of Berkley at the time of writing. Other politicians spoke up as well. Independent candidate RFK noted in a story on Instagram that, “the freedom to transact is as fundamental as the freedom of speech. Even if you’re buying crack.”

In other news, an anon posted a cryptographic message on Reddit early Sunday morning that there was going to be an initial coin offering for a company that would specialize in robbing banks. The coin is supposed to be listed as $NGUT, which stands for Number Go Up Technology, Inc.

Meme coins are down 12% on the news.

For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on X.

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