SAN FRANCISCO — Posting to the near-bankrupt ‘X’ platform he bought and still has no idea how to manage, CEO Elon Musk clarified a little-understood term. “‘Zero knowledge’ or ‘zK’ is pretty simple,” Musk began. “It means you can say whatever you want, declare it as fact, and you don’t need to support it with a single piece of evidence. I’ve been practicing zK my whole career.”

To discuss the practice of zK, Musk invited GOP presidential primary loser Vivek Ramaswamy and adult store loiterer Alex Jones to an X Spaces event. Both Jones and Ramaswamy are avid practitioners of zK, according to Musk. “My boy Alex has used zK to prove chemicals in the water are making frogs gay, and Vivek used it to prove white people are being replaced by minorities,” Musk stated. “Neither has one iota of truth backing them up. You could say they are zK geniuses.”

Cryptologist Franz Ferdinand claims that “zero knowledge” means something else entirely. “Look, ‘zero knowledge’ actually refers to a cryptographic proof that requires… you know what, never mind. I don’t know why I’m trying to explain this to someone who is still listening to anything that idiot Musk says,” Ferdinand added.

At X headquarters, Musk has ordered his team to start using zK for all aspects of the business, from user data to finances. “Using zK, we can tell the world we have as much money as we want,” Musk exclaimed. “And it’s proven true! Why do we even need accounting software anymore?”

Following the new zK protocol, Musk’s user analytics team estimates that 40 bazillion users will attend the zK X Spaces event on Dec 18.

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