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POUGHKEEPSIE — Researchers at a small college in upstate New York have uncovered an alarming truth about the upcoming Bitcoin Halving. While many take the halving as seriously as presidential elections - as they also occur every four years – these academics unearthed data that will definitely break your Bitcoin bank.
“It really wasn’t as complicated as it may seem on the surface,” noted Professor Clip Supp-Leigh, “after we were able to pool the data sets from previous halvings into our tailored AI equation-generator, which was programmed to make decisions based on Occam’s Razor, the math came back, and it was startling to say the least.”
An early version of the research conducted around this halving was published in The Economist. Mathematicians, Stock traders, and Degens alike are balking at the results. “This just isn’t possible. I mean it’s so clear it was right in front of us the whole time.,” quipped a day trader from the private equity firm ATH, Inc.
Professor Supp-Leigh added, “perhaps it was so obvious it wasn’t.”
Dismay abounds that it took a small group of eccentric academics in upstate New York to reveal the true nature of the Bitcoin halving. A profound truth that will echo off the chambers of all codes for decades to come. On April 20th, not only will stoned teenagers be canvasing the candy aisle of 7-11 for JuJu Beans and Watchyamacallits, but Bitcoin, will become half as valuable.
Please contact your financial advisor.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on X.
Here's to you degen. Here's to you. (2 per wallet)
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POUGHKEEPSIE — Researchers at a small college in upstate New York have uncovered an alarming truth about the upcoming Bitcoin Halving. While many take the halving as seriously as presidential elections - as they also occur every four years – these academics unearthed data that will definitely break your Bitcoin bank.
“It really wasn’t as complicated as it may seem on the surface,” noted Professor Clip Supp-Leigh, “after we were able to pool the data sets from previous halvings into our tailored AI equation-generator, which was programmed to make decisions based on Occam’s Razor, the math came back, and it was startling to say the least.”
An early version of the research conducted around this halving was published in The Economist. Mathematicians, Stock traders, and Degens alike are balking at the results. “This just isn’t possible. I mean it’s so clear it was right in front of us the whole time.,” quipped a day trader from the private equity firm ATH, Inc.
Professor Supp-Leigh added, “perhaps it was so obvious it wasn’t.”
Dismay abounds that it took a small group of eccentric academics in upstate New York to reveal the true nature of the Bitcoin halving. A profound truth that will echo off the chambers of all codes for decades to come. On April 20th, not only will stoned teenagers be canvasing the candy aisle of 7-11 for JuJu Beans and Watchyamacallits, but Bitcoin, will become half as valuable.
Please contact your financial advisor.
For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on X.
Here's to you degen. Here's to you. (2 per wallet)

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Musk Explains Zero Knowledge Proof Means Requiring No Facts
Posting to the near-bankrupt ‘X’ platform he bought and still has no idea how to manage, CEO Elon Musk clarified a little-understood term. “‘Zero knowledge’ or ‘zK’ is pretty simple,” Musk began, “It means...
Cardano Announces Plan to Join ETH Merge | The Rug's Mostly Credible Newsletter #1
Dearest Eyeballs, I am pleased to present The Rug’s First Newsletter, your least bad source of crypto news. Take it as an offering, once a month. For many of our stories, we are the only Web3 news outlet reporting on them! How is it that no one else was willing to cover it when Michael Saylor Insists Baskin-Robbins Has Only One Flavor, or how US President Joe Biden Urges Gas Station Operators to “Migrate to Layer 2 Immediately” in a Bid to Stymie Skyrocketing Gas Prices, and of course heroic feats like Solana Goes Full Day With No Down Time? Our reporters are out there, day after day, breaking news like when OpenSea claimed, “It’s only money laundering if you get caught.”
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PREMIUM — Bitcoin Halving Will Take Half Your Money, Experts Say "...these academics unearthed data that will definitely break your Bitcoin bank." Read the full article 👀👇 https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/halving #TheRug #Bitcoin
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PREMIUM — Bitcoin Halving Will Take Half Your Money, Experts Say "...these academics unearthed data that will definitely break your Bitcoin bank." Read the full article 👀👇 https://paragraph.xyz/@therugnews/halving #TheRug #Bitcoin