KALAMAZOO — Today you just learned about Upland, a DeFi marketplace that sells digital versions of real-world properties. You also learned that your house was sold on Upland and the new owner showed up today instructing you to “Get out.”

When you looked up your $510,000 home on Upland, you saw that @FappyMcSplooge bought it yesterday for 100 UPX, or about $0.50. Now, Mr. McSplooge is at your door with the sheriff shoving his shitty MetroGPS phone in your face to prove his ownership, demanding you leave. Apparently, he’d already invited friends over for a housewarming circle jerk.

You then remembered that you have a deed to your house, so you retrieved that document to show the sheriff. The sheriff, lazily scrolling his phone during the argument, took a quick glance at it and said, “Nah, pretty sure the fancy NFT this guy’s got on his phone beats that.”

McSplooge and the sheriff stood over your shoulder as you collected your things around the house, several of which McSplooge apparently had also somehow purchased with crypto. “Wait a minute,” you said, “if you bought those things, why didn’t I see any of this money?” You learned that your house, and half of the things in it, had been owned by someone else via various blockchains. “Man, you are way behind buddy,” exclaimed McSplooge, “everything in the real world is already owned by someone else on a blockchain since 2016.”

Since the only crypto you own is about $5 worth of ETHW, you decided that it was time you made some real investments in the new economy. Serendipitously, you got a DM on Discord with a great investment opportunity for some cheap $DOWGE, which you had heard Elon Musk talk about.

You spent your life savings on $DOWGE and took a step into the future.

For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on X.

Grab the latest crew badge and sew it directly onto your Degen Scouts sash.

KALAMAZOO — Today you just learned about Upland, a DeFi marketplace that sells digital versions of real-world properties. You also learned that your house was sold on Upland and the new owner showed up today instructing you to “Get out.”

When you looked up your $510,000 home on Upland, you saw that @FappyMcSplooge bought it yesterday for 100 UPX, or about $0.50. Now, Mr. McSplooge is at your door with the sheriff shoving his shitty MetroGPS phone in your face to prove his ownership, demanding you leave. Apparently, he’d already invited friends over for a housewarming circle jerk.

You then remembered that you have a deed to your house, so you retrieved that document to show the sheriff. The sheriff, lazily scrolling his phone during the argument, took a quick glance at it and said, “Nah, pretty sure the fancy NFT this guy’s got on his phone beats that.”

McSplooge and the sheriff stood over your shoulder as you collected your things around the house, several of which McSplooge apparently had also somehow purchased with crypto. “Wait a minute,” you said, “if you bought those things, why didn’t I see any of this money?” You learned that your house, and half of the things in it, had been owned by someone else via various blockchains. “Man, you are way behind buddy,” exclaimed McSplooge, “everything in the real world is already owned by someone else on a blockchain since 2016.”

Since the only crypto you own is about $5 worth of ETHW, you decided that it was time you made some real investments in the new economy. Serendipitously, you got a DM on Discord with a great investment opportunity for some cheap $DOWGE, which you had heard Elon Musk talk about.

You spent your life savings on $DOWGE and took a step into the future.

For more mostly credible web3 news, follow @therugnews on X.

Grab the latest crew badge and sew it directly onto your Degen Scouts sash.