CHENGDU — Dairy Queen, America’s beloved source for ice cream and triple bypasses, announced Thursday a new NFT project in Chengdu, China. The NFTs feature digital art of their products, such as the iconic Blizzard, and embedded code that uses your social media accounts to denounce the Communist Party.

Early collectors were surprised to have officers of the People's Armed Police knocking on their door the day after collecting one. “I had just picked up a limited edition ‘We Treat You Right’ NFT one day,” explained Hao Zhāng, a resident of Chengdu, “and I’m in a Xinjiang labor camp the next. They may have my body, but they can’t change the fact that Happy Tastes Good.TM "

It has been suggested that the leadership of DQ may be working with the CIA on a propaganda campaign, taking advantage of the world’s soft spot for pictures of ice cream. When asked for comment, a representative of the CIA’s Office of Dealing with the Goddamn Press just responded with an angry emoji and either an eggplant or a bomb.

DQ’s CEO Clifton Wallabater, on the other hand, was more willing to discuss the project. “Since the People’s Republic of China doesn’t allow citizens to enjoy ice cream or queens, we wanted to provide them the next best thing. Pictures of that stuff.” Wallabater was less forthcoming when the topic of the CIA came up, however. “The CI - what? Never heard of them,” he said before beginning to sweat profusely, then running out of the room.

It is still unclear how the NFT project made its way around strict laws against cryptocurrency in China. There's still a chance yet for DQ's project to survive though, as officials have yet to rule on the legality of Hot Eats and Cool Treats.

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